skin and bones

don't give the girl scissors...

2009-11-01T02:07:00.000-08:00

Altered Stars Shirt.

Altered 1920s Flapper Halloween Costume.

we are our only saviors.

2009-09-07T17:59:00.001-07:00

there's a war to win,

and it's not your heart, baby.

untitled.

2009-09-07T13:36:00.000-07:00

i should have known this wasn't going to work out,

the morning i wanted to leave your bed,

while you were still sleeping.

grab my clothes,

get dressed in the hallway,

never looking back.

untitled.

2009-09-05T22:15:00.000-07:00

i'm not going to lie...

i'd like to exist in your world again

right after i tear it apart.

the worst

2009-08-31T16:37:00.000-07:00

mornings are the hardest,

when i wake up beside you,

and have to leave your arms,

your bed.

they say i'm not a morning person,

but i don't mind this time of day,

i simply don't want this to be goodbye,

to be the end.

here's the truth

2009-08-20T21:51:00.000-07:00

i've tried to write this...

but i'm no master of words.

i'd much rather live it,

than document a moment.

Careful Hands

2009-08-17T23:59:00.000-07:00

i am subtle in my ways,

yet bold when in your bed.

i am in love with this city,

and grateful you're a part of it.

i love the way you see the world,

and that you choose to see me.

but we are creatures of habit,

and i build the walls that hurt me.

your hands are careful upon my body,

but what about my heart?

i'm an all or nothing kind of girl,

i'm in... mind, body, and soul.

shakey thoughts and shy words.

2009-08-16T22:12:00.000-07:00

get it out of your head. get it out of your heart.

get out of my head.

2009-07-08T00:25:00.000-07:00

& it breaks me,

when i'm smiling because i'm back with you,

and they say,

well, why aren't you with him now?

& it breaks me,

when i'm smiling because you're back with me,

and i say,

well, why aren't you with me now?

lady in black

2009-05-27T00:02:00.000-07:00

I know I'm the one that you think about,

asking what happened to the lady in black.

And it was you who put this look in my eye,

the cold hard 'fuck you'.

And it was him who finally finished the destruction

on my heart that you started.

But it was you that threw me into the depression

that inevitably leads to the chaos that makes me feel alive.

I know I'm the one that you think about, from years past,

and I suppose I'm still beautiful... but flawed.

grow up & blow away

2009-05-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

painted by a. hlewka

twelve stories is a long way to fall.

2009-04-07T22:23:00.000-07:00

you tell secrets in empty parking lots,

yelling to fill the void, the silence.

you tell secrets in empty parking lots,

ignoring tears from an aching heart.

you tell secrets in empty parking lots,

forgetting that it is not empty.

i am here. listening. feeling.

you tell secrets in empty parking lots,

and i dream of roof tops,

when you're gone.

nothing ever ends.

2009-03-24T14:48:00.000-07:00

we can't remember when our hearts were whole

or our eyes fully open

but we found each other in the broken glass

on the bar room floor,

writing poetry among ashes and cigarette butts

in this cold city,

what dies during winter,

can be resurrected in spring.

kissing ghosts,

break the molds of what we once were.

bury it in the ground,

phantoms of whole hearts

and open eyes.

keep the darkness out.

head shakes

2009-03-08T22:03:00.000-07:00

and sometimes, the ghosts of a reckless summer

rise up from blurry memories of drunken sunsets that blur into sunrise

and sometimes, the ghosts of a reckless night

try to settle into the wasted moments of the present,

wanting to sink their cold fingers into warm flesh of potential.

but sometimes, when it's easy to sink back into that sea of destruction,

ghosts have had their second chances, loose lips sink ships, baby,

and this is not an S.O.S.

but sometimes, the ghosts of a reckless summer

rise up from blurry memories of drunken sunsets that blur into sunrise

and sometimes, it's best to become the ghost in someone's mind

rising up and walking alone, away, into a wasted sunset that blurs into a sunrise

Sunday's Best

2009-01-11T19:56:00.000-08:00

i was wearing my sunday's best for you,

but you believe that the best is underneath.

so we strip ourselves of fabric,

of insecurities, of loneliness.

we fall into a bed of sin,

making love with our socks on.

covering our bruises,

from kicking each other's bad habits.

i was wearing my sunday's best for you,

but you threw the best away.

alarm clock radio

2008-11-25T02:26:00.000-08:00

i was dreaming in french,
as you laid beside me.

your heart beat dancing with mine,
with your skin melting into my own.

and when our limbs are tangled,
i can't tell which beauty marks belong to me.

and you. in a sea of bedsheets,
this beauty has its own universe.

i was dreaming in french,
and you whispered je t'aime

loose lips sink ships.

2008-10-21T23:18:00.000-07:00

the ship is sinking, i know,
and the life boats are full.

you're watching from the shore, babe,
you're not dead. you're not dying.

just keep your head above the water,
just remember that you can breathe.

there's more than this, but the good times seem
cheap when you're watching everything sink.

like a dirty whore lifting her skirt,
teasing you in the absence of passion.

don't fall in love with the sound of ships sinking, babe.
cause you're missing the horizon.

Paper Cut Hearts

2008-10-14T21:44:00.000-07:00

I'm scribbling out the hearts in my note books.
I'm scratching out your name.

You're more important than some trivial high school show of affection.
You are more permanent than this.

Saying "I love you"
is like admitting your childhood crush;

and I'm scared you're just going to

hit me, and run away.

a world that existed only with each other.

2008-10-08T00:53:00.000-07:00

we created a world together.
starting with lingering eyes
and a curiosity that caused tongue to touch lips.

we created a world together.
with challenging words
and an intrigue that caused energies to embrace.

we created a world together.
where I stayed awake, if you stayed awake
but now I'm keeping secrets and kissing ghosts.

I like it better when my bed smells like you.

2008-09-21T20:16:00.000-07:00

What can I say?
I smoke and I drink
And what can I do?
I want to wallow in you.

They're telling me to
let go of you and save myself
But what can I do?
I feel better when I'm with you.

This was inspired by Ani DiFranco's Grey.

I heard the bomb, but felt nothing.

2008-09-17T21:36:00.001-07:00

I'm constantly amazed by where I've ended up in my life.
I never thought that dead babies would be the solution to a problem.

Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem.
But you're my problem. Drugs are a problem. Love is a problem.

I'm constantly amazed by how I become a fixture in a room.
I never thought that I would be dating a lifestyle, more than a man.

Not my life. Not my life. Not my life.
But you're in my life. And I think I'm in love with you.

Push and Shove

2008-09-01T23:00:00.001-07:00

You whispered, "I don't want to lose you",
but she's feeling a little adrift these days.

It's the way you found each other, the way things are,
she's a half-dead lover, and you've always been cryptic.

From separate worlds of secrets and lies,
loose lips sink ships, and kisses can't fix everything.

Pillow Talk

2008-08-21T23:20:00.000-07:00

champ city
strung out faces, drunken voices,
tough guys with tamed girls.

lovely city
i want to make you happy,
but we only have broken promises & bruises.

lost city
a sink full of dirty dishes,
we are all lonely, but not alone.

oh champion city
we throw away our empty bottles, our bodies,
but we lose ourselves when we're held first in a lover's eyes.

The Agent

2008-08-17T16:20:00.000-07:00

we're always getting better,
blue skies, prairie fields

we're always turning the corner,
better days, stronger nights

and that's what they say,
unfocused stares, burning cigarettes.

the pharmaceutical giants,
they don't care about a cure

they're sleeping with the government,
interested only in treatments.

the map is not the territory,
secret drug lives, secret love lives

i am not interested in your secrets, your treatments,
give me your cure.

A Conspiracy

2008-08-12T01:21:00.000-07:00

a conspiracy of whispered confession through bitten lips
collisions of glances and stares from him & you & her & them & me
road maps of crossed heart strings and twisted bed sheets
freckles and beauty marks that fade into the night's stars

we measure life by pints of beer and shots of whiskey
always squinting through glassy eyes to see the sun rise
crawling from a bed, crawling away from another
& where did you come from? & why do you stay with me?

this conspiracy of admittance and dalliance
find each other in: him & you & her & them & me
look for me, a reckless heart with a messy bed
our bodies melting into each other, into the universe

what a conspiracy.

Do you still want to take me to the end of world?

2008-07-29T23:51:00.000-07:00

Even the nicest boys won't like you when you won't go home to bed with them.
And even when you reluctantly agree to be with the boys who only want you in bed,
it's a limited-time offer, folks.
If you don't undress fast enough, they've moved on the the next girl on the list.

Keep on top of the game: tits out, pants down,
Drop those panties like a bomb,
it's a limited-time offer, folks.
Cause if you don't undress fast enough, they've got the next girl on the list.

If those boys don't want you in their bed,
If you don't undress fast enough,
they've already got another girl.
You're just another girl crossed off on some list, thrown away.

You are a liar.

2008-07-19T00:33:00.000-07:00

My teeth are perfect,
& I know how to bite.

I stopped writing
when we were no longer together,

& I thought that maybe,
you were my thoughts personified

my actions in motion,
my soul's inspiration.

But you are not enough body to hold my love,
& there must be someone greater than you.

My lips are perfect,
& I know how to leave a mark.

you are not my protector

2008-07-17T00:54:00.000-07:00

how do you seperate lovers?
open doors and crowded rooms
heads turn, eyes glare.

how can you hold your lover,
while remembering another?
trembling hands, closed eyes.

is this somthing to own;
is this something to tame?
bitten lips, bedroom eyes.

leaving sleeping lovers,
tangled in warm bedsheets.
walk away, conquer thyself.

You're looking tired; like you tried to kill yourself again.

2008-07-10T00:24:00.000-07:00

There's a moment in time,
captured with a flash,
- zoom in - crop out -

It's displayed to the world,
the affection that I felt for you in
- black - and - white -

I tried to forget you,
but then I turned the page
-fade out - cut out -

There we were,
alone with the possibilty
- exposed - and - lost -

I deserve to be loved exclusively. Or something.

2008-07-07T00:13:00.000-07:00

I always knew you were a lady's man,
but I thought I was a special girl.

But maybe you were bored,
and maybe I was easy.

But I've got these marks and bruises,
and my bedsheets still smell like you.

Bedroom eyes that say, come hither,
I won't ask for much.

And you never did give me very much,
but I thought that would be enough.

hey, hey you!

2008-07-06T21:58:00.000-07:00

In all honesty, I know it's best for you to not be together,
but it's symbolism of my own selfish needs.

Now that you're not with him,
he seems even better than when you were with him.

drugs sirens lights chaos alcohol screams darkness
he wanted to know if I was okay.

He has every reason to not talk to me,
but he was the only one who did.

I think it made me feel even more alone

We've been killing off our friends.

2008-06-25T08:16:00.000-07:00

Bite marks on her neck,
bruises on her body.

You've marked and claimed her,
though she cried out in protest.

You've always finished too fast,
& I've always been left behind.

I should have listened to my mother:
Never get in cars with boys.

We could be falling.

2008-05-25T00:11:00.000-07:00

raw & wild beauty;
strange intrigue of:
heavy skies and stormy eyes.

i know not what i am to you;
but i know who i am in your arms:
a tiny woman with a heap of sin.

I never lie...

2008-05-18T23:20:00.000-07:00

but I'm happy that I'm not sleeping in your bed.

seeing you with her,
seeing him drive by,
kissing you in secret,
watching him walk away.

sealed lips,
blind-folded eyes.
what does this mean?
where does this leave me?

The Way We Get By

2008-05-14T12:41:00.000-07:00

My bed smells of two different men.
And I'm still waking up alone.

I wonder how you would react,
if you knew those marks were from him,
Or if you would have a reaction at all.

I wonder how you would feel, if you knew in the morning
of my intentions of the night,
If you would have stayed beside me.

My bed is a sea of beauty marks and lips and hips.
And I've forgotten who they belong to.

I shouldn't spend the night.

2008-05-12T20:58:00.000-07:00

I want to kiss you in a parking lot,
claim you as mine in the harsh morning light.

Messy hair tells the truth behind drawn curtains,
stained lips and tired hips paired with shinning eyes.

Marks left on porcelain skin,
traces of fingertips and teeth.

I am not yours, nor his.
And you are not mine, we are not.

But you've seen the girl with the seashells,
And we're just bones, and flesh, and empty shells.

Looking for passion to fill the void,
looking for the ocean.

Can you love someone completely? And yes, by someone, I mean me.

2008-05-04T22:36:00.000-07:00

Tonight, it feels like this city has a secret club,
and everyone is apart of it.
(even my sleeping roommates)

There are no cars,
empty streets, empty sidewalks.
(even the streetlights flicker)

This secret club is full of dead members,
are these your bones, your flesh.
(even your bed cries out)

I want to spy on your life.
I want to be a beauty mark in a sea of bedsheets
(even if a heart's history forgets)

Waking up in last night's mascara.

2008-05-03T02:13:00.000-07:00

I looked at his hands,
and compared them with yours.

Long, slender,
fingers plucking strings.

Strong, calloused,
fingers earn a living.

Am I cheating you,
sitting on this bed next to him

His hands are within my reach,
lips I could claim.

Am I cheating him,
thinking of you when you are not mine

Charming, confident men,
your hands create.

Still, quiet girl.
my hands do nothing.

I spend every night thinking about your hands.

2008-04-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

You have that charm, that personality, that smile, and that look. Everyone is drawn to you. Every girl thinks you're a cute boy; every guy thinks you're a good dude.

And I like you more than I'd like to because I don't want to be just like everyone else to you.
And I need to get to know the man behind those eyes.

You're a charming man,
but one of the most quietly intimidating ones I know.

And I can't remember if I ever was as amazing as you.
I'm feeling out of my league.

You'll never touch her again, so get what you can.

2008-04-13T10:44:00.000-07:00

We can only spend so much time dancing in ambiguity
before someone trips over their own feet.

I hope I'm something in your whirlwind universe of stars and runaway lanes and freedom's own limitations.
I hope you think of me, or at the very least, make out my face in the crowd.
I suppose I should think it's a tragedy if you don't.

But I'm just an ear,
of what was said to
her or she
or he.

Perceptions of Imperfections

2008-04-09T13:30:00.000-07:00

He runs his fingertips over her body,
her porcelain scars.
"This one is a story,
and this one is a television program."

I've got a secret.

Get off the stage.

2008-03-23T16:40:00.000-07:00

You're a man of ambition,
strides of assurance, hands of creativity.

I'm just a girl who shares your bed,
and reads your books.

How long will it take you to realize
you've lost yourself trying to find the perfect words?

...trouble?

2008-03-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

The problem with trouble,
is that she's good at leaving.

And in the end,
all you have are the foolish words that left a bad taste
and the city lights that sparkle like lost diamonds.

But even birds give up that flight.

2008-03-18T00:10:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I feel so broken hearted.
I know Sweden is a country that's far away,
And it's certainly not getting any closer.

But we live in the same city,
and I know your backyard, your bed.
There are no oceans between us.

And we're still not getting any closer.

Attention!

2008-03-18T00:08:00.000-07:00

Listen,
We need to be honest.

Fingertips upon lips,
Hips touching hips.

If you can't make my heart
skip a beat...

You don't deserve me,
Your hands are spreading lies.

This place is inconvenient for my name.

2008-03-02T17:17:00.000-08:00

I never wanted to play this game,
But I guess I'm willing...
if it means I win some time with you.

I may be known to cause some trouble,
but I think you're going to cause a disaster.